The most important lessons my dad taught me

This'll be brief. I'm parasailing a bit here.

• At the end of the day, you can't please everybody, which is good for the goose.
   
• It's ok to fall off the horse because every dog has its day.
  And you can always buy a horse...but you can't teach a dog new drinks. 
   
• Most of us need tough love but there's a thin line between peanut butter and chocolate that you're not ready to cross.
   
• Whenever you don't think it's your fault, guess what, Chief.
  And when someone tells you how to do your job, scream "YOU DON'T KNOW ME" & scare them.
   
• A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. 
  Side effects may include dying. Do not call your doctor if you die. 
  He will ghost.
   
• The apple of my eye fell far from the tree but made sure the squirrel got a nut though.
   
• Congratulations! You've shown me you could do your very least and I'd still be proud. 
   
• Usually, when things don't turn out the way I expect, I laugh uncontrollably until escorted off the premises.
   
• When life hands you lemons, make sure they're non-GMO. That's how they get you.
   
• I can't tell you if there is or isn't a God but I'm pretty sure he's driving stick.
   
• It's my job to prepare you for all the ways I'm guaranteed to disappoint.
   
• Be honest with yourself & when people don't like you, run off to cry where they can't see. Then, plot revenge.